Grateful

He struck my face with dirty fists

Stained with selfishness and spite 

She stabbed my back with a dull jagged blade

All with a smile on her face

He screamed into my ear

Shit filled delusions of superiority

Wreaking of greed and immaturity

I stumbled over my own bad judgment

Shifted through the thick fog of disappointment

I abused my own temple

Cut deep into the pain

Purged to cope with the rejection

Closed my eyes and prayed for the end 

I grew weary of this dark place 

It's monsters

The way they feed on naive trust

Wear well crafted masks

Prey on bleeding hearts

My impression of love...

Always a motive

Always a paralyzing word

Enjoyment on their faces as they pull the strings

Of us lowly puppets

Twisting and knotting us up

Until we are useless 

Hanging in limbo from our gullibility 

You found me broken

Clinging to the comfort of empty space 

You cut me free 

Carefully untwisted the ropes and knives

Lightly kissed the bruises of my mind

Stared directly at the scars

And called me beautiful

You stationed yourself to my side

And have not moved

You carry my baggage with grace

Your kindness drowns the voices in my head

Your gentleness seals my wounds

Your touch soothes me, where others left me shaken 

Your words comfort me, where others left me feeling small 

You have the nerve to ask me why I love you like I do?

I never even knew what real love felt like until you found me

It had only been spoken

Never shown

Everything I thought love was

You proved wrong

I am forever grateful

Story of Us
Mixed Media on Wood Canvas
Artist: Kate Hart

Friend or Enemy?

A foggy haze named sadness

Invites itself in

Takes the seat closest to mine

I can smell it 

Bitter and musky

I cut it off before it can speak...

I don't wish to converse. 

Don't ask me questions, please...

YES, I am heart broken!

NO, I can't fix things!

YES, I'm aware it's too late!

No...

The doctor says there are no medications for this type of pain. 

No treatments.

Not even a street drug.

Regret is an eternal diagnosis. 

I'll save a seat for you tomorrow.

In Limbo
Acrylic on Canvas
Artist: Kate Hart

Move

Reanimate.

Swallow the failures and journey on.

Limbo is not a place to reside.

Time passes regardless,

Doesn't wait,

Is steady and faithful,

To leave you where you stand,

Not able to care less if you join the movement or not.

Your voice is stale. 

Eyes empty.

I try to look behind to find you.

I'm watching the image of who you were get smaller and smaller.

I have to keep going.

I can't wait for you to live, 

And I can't watch you die.

Little Girls

They bat their eyes...

These adult little girls.

Can cry on demand.

Throw tantrums. 

Act devastated by the aftermath

Of the destruction they created in the first place .

Clueless little things.

Did you get bored, Sweetheart? 

Did the love of a real man

And the maternal responsibility

Become a burden on your social schedule? 

Poor baby. 

Overwhelmed by the life

Others pray to God for.

You juggled lives and hearts,

Letting all that was good and innocent

Crash to the ground

From your careless clumsy hands.

I pity your loss...

But thank you just the same.

Exposed
Acrylics on Canvas
Artist:Kate Hart

Forgettable

A speed bump at most

No poem for you at all

Only a haiku 

Beneath Me

Predictable you.

A bore.

A yawn or two, at most.

It's comical,

Magnificent,

The clarity that time provides.

I loved you?

The tiny slimy creature that you are?

The dirt under my shoes?

We shared a cigarette once.

You seemed 10 feet tall.

Exhaling the smoke,

And implanting yourself into the next decade of my "life".

Screaming for your attention,

Like a neglected child.

Trying to save you...

Rescue you from yourself...

At the cost of everything there was left of me.

For  what?

Turned tables?

Slammed doors?

Black eyes?

I deserved it I suppose...

To have my soul drained,

My mind bruised,

For loving something...

As beneath me as you.

Freak Show
Acrylic on Canvas
Artist: Kate Hart

Primp Session

Good morning, mirror reflection

Incidentally, I resent you
Your judgmental stare
The way you magnify and broadcast my every flaw and insecurity so callously
Like a spiteful ex lover would

You look me in the eyes
Even less than strangers do

Side Show
Mixed Media on Canvas
Artist: Kate Hart

Opinion

Billions evolve over time, experience, circumstance
And here I stand on this one view
Unmovable
Unshakable
And completely irrelevant.

Opinion
Acrylic on Canvas
Artist: Kate Hart

Soul Sister

(For Rory)

There is a hole in my heart
Where you left to join the sky
But you left the light of your spirit behind
To hold me over

I did a cartwheel today
And laughed
And cried
And felt you

I watched a bird struggle to fly
And I only thought of myself
Not you...
I only picture you soaring

Soul Sister

Acrylics on Canvas

Artist: Kate Hart

Drown Me

At night I close my eyes to dream
Then open them to join the light of a new day
The last and first of these moments are always consumed with thoughts of you
They are both my joy and my fear

To possess the high regard and genuine care of another soul
Can be so uplifting and so dreadfully terrifying at the same time

If you never love me, I will lose nothing
If you never touch me, I will miss nothing

I'm safer in my world of independence
Where loneliness is just a quick visiting enemy
That shows its ugly face briefly
But is easily chased off by distraction of any and every kind

But love?
Love has a violent way of wearing an attractive face
Of digging through a ribcage
With no concern of the blood and guts it eats through
To make its way into a heart that fights vulnerability like the plague it is

I look into your eyes
And drown there
My natural reaction to run away
As though my life depended on it

But when I linger there
Beyond that horrifying "run for the hills" first second
I can see myself in the reflection
And suddenly want to reside there for the next 50 years or so

I guess joy and fear can coexist as a healthy balance
I could be completely wrong
Probably
My point is...
I am choosing to be happy
Even though I am petrified
So... Look into my eyes
And drown me, please

Time

I'm familiar with that pain
I've swallowed that pride
Felt the heat of unforeseen betrayal flow through my veins
I've hated that which I once loved the most

Felt the rush of emotion so intensely
That my heartbeat could be heard from miles away
Pounding and aching
Cracking and breaking

I've felt the terror of starting over
Of venturing into the unknown unplanned future
It feels like failure
Plays head games of defeat

I've stood in judgement before many
Endured the whispered assumptions
The intrusive inquiries
Sincere and Insincere
All feeling the same
And I've pretended to be fine

I've shaken my fists at the sky
Demanded an explanation
A justifiable reason for this suffering
This excruciating confusion
And cried and screamed face down on the filthy ground

But time... It goes on, love
And your blood will flow evenly again
Hate turns into acceptance
The heart learns to function with the pieces that remain
It softens and opens again

The unknown journey leads to a better life than the one you once mourned
The opinions of others fade into the background,
Mattering not at all

You remember, after time,
That God was with you all along
You recognize that the events of your past, although painful,
Help form you into the person you were meant to be

You may not see this now
Not yet
But I got up
And so will you

Artwork by:

Norman Duenas

(http://society6.com/artist/nduenas)

Healing

Like a cool breeze lightly touching the skin
I adjusted to the chill
The isolated hollow cage I trapped myself into
Expelling the frost from my breath into the air
Why was this so comfortable?

Escaping was as easy as turning a door knob
And as difficult as swallowing razor blades
These bloody fists would not loosen their grip
On something so loved, but so harmful
Logic lost every time, to a bleeding heart

Common sense makes a fool of me
And laughs, and mocks, and bullies
Stupid girl, it says
You have loved so blindly
Trusted so foolishly
Ripped pieces of yourself off and handed them over
To those who never valued the gift.

But change has come now
In an unforeseen moment
A split second of time
Where emotions have let go
Because they are ready, not forced
And that's how this learning thing works

The cool air has become uncomfortable
The tight space now suffocating
Razor blades palatable
The grip of my bruised ego
Has finally let the pieces of my brokenness fall
Leaving the ashes of your memory at my feet

I can feel the warmth of sunlight painting my flesh
This must be what healing is

Image Credit:
Richard Wiseman
(http://richardwiseman.wordpress.com)

Too Soon

Missing you cuts deep
Messy
An undying agony
Jagged and prompt to the inhales of my breath

Heaven deserves you more than I do
But I'm bitter and jealous
Razor blade memories
Your funny faces
Our secret places

Tears fall like gasoline
Burning my flesh as they fall
I'm walking a thin line
Clumsy and shaken

I can't shake this
The race of my heart beat
The knot in my stomach
The feeling that I'm trapped in a nighmare

You walked into my life as unexpectedly as you left
Both changing everything

We were reckless kids when we met
No ability to see the future of our connection
The ebb and flow of our friendship
What did we know back then?
Black nails
Cigarette breath
Sandy feet

Neither one of our lives turned out to be what we hoped
But we were still us
Still linked
Still vital to each other


And you left
Flew away into the clouds
Without permission
Without asking if we were ready to let you go
Knowing I'll see you again some day
Doesn't always bring comfort like it should
We are impatient for you

Hereditary Sadness

Stare hard into the mirror...
The broken shards of glass.
Who do you see?

Do not follow the footsteps
Of his inner suffering.
You have felt first hand the agony it causes.
You know the hopeless place it can lead.

Your life is a gift, and wisdom would imply,
That you walk a path less harmful.

You can reflect his heart's goodness,
Remember his laughter and smile,
But not repeat the wasted years...
Not cause as many tears.

The destructive pattern starts with solitude,
Self loathing.
And your walking full steam ahead into the darkness
Purposefully hiding from the light.

Please. Stop.

Hush

Justifiable panic, or so I believe
Mankind is crafty with its hidden agenda
It's beautiful lies

You sold me a maggot filled dream
Dressed it up in fancy details
Verbal and empty
I don't even notice my ears bleeding anymore

I soak it in
The poison
Your charm
I let it expand my hopes
Until they become stale and rancid

Discomfort starts to scratch at the door
I try to spit it out
The bitter taste of careless promises
Potent and nauseating
I need a distraction to cope

I create a visual in my mind's eye
Check my realities reflection
Hate what I see
Act out and try to mold it
But am left disappointed with the failure

It's not so bad
It only burns a little
Just the back of the throat
Compared to the sting in my eyes
Its perfection

But you wouldn't understand that
You instead gravitate to sympathy
But screw that
I'm just fine
Whatever that means

Departure is sometimes necessary
But it's just as tricky as staying
It's just a matter of location change
Emotion packs lightly and comes along

So the thought occurs to me
Write this junk down
Could make sense, or confuse
But that's not my concern
It's the noise in my head that needs to hush
It's my heart that needs to beat slower
And not get too excited...

Just yet

Nothing

There you go again,
Giving me the stare down.
What can I do for you, Sir?
Is there something more that you need from me?

You've had my time.
Wasted
You've had my patience.
Worn
You've had my mouth.
Tasted
You've had my heart.
Torn

I can feel your eyes on me.
Unnerving
I hear your thoughts loud and clear.
What value does your life hold without me?
Is that the question?
It's not for me to answer.

See, I was all wrapped up
In your promises
Your dressed up words.
The heart is a fool, like that.
Stays blind on purpose sometimes.

But than I lost count...
You know?
Of all the tears, I mean.
And one day it was just completely clear.

Don't cry for me now.
You never felt a thing while I was drowning.
You just held me under further.
Well, how about this...
For you, I'll throw a line.

But I'm not trying to save you, you see.
Because you've always been well skilled at pulling yourself under.
I'll just wish you the best,
But recommend you keep your eyes to yourself,
Because when I look back at you...
I see nothing that I want.

There's your line.

Angst

Acrylics/SprayPaint on Canvas

Artist: Kate Hart