Can't Sleep

Give me something, please...
Something strong,
Something quick,
To quiet the noise,
To slow the anxious heart beats,
To ease my swollen eyes.

Let me lose myself for awhile...
Drown out the question on repeat-
"Why aren't I enough?"
Everyone wants something else,
Someone else,
Leaving me...
Standing wide eyed and open armed,
Holding my gifts of unconditional love,
Endless admiration,
And laughter of joys yet to come.
Gifts wrapped in flesh,
Tied up tight with wishful thinking.

I was beautiful once...
Less damaged.
Now it's an unpredictable combo
Of tough and crumbling.
Which will I be today?

Distraction seeking me.
Adventure seeking me.
Anything seeking me...
To keep my thoughts at bay.
Walking on ledges.
Sinking under waves.
It's alright, girl...
Someday it's gonna change.
You'll lock eyes with a stranger
Who will never want to look away,
Who will help you hold your balance,
And pull you up for air.

Your laughter will dance in their ears,
Your smile will send aches into their bones.
They will live, and love, and taste everything that is YOU,
And they will know that they are home.

Someday.
One day.

I need to sleep.