Time

I'm familiar with that pain
I've swallowed that pride
Felt the heat of unforeseen betrayal flow through my veins
I've hated that which I once loved the most

Felt the rush of emotion so intensely
That my heartbeat could be heard from miles away
Pounding and aching
Cracking and breaking

I've felt the terror of starting over
Of venturing into the unknown unplanned future
It feels like failure
Plays head games of defeat

I've stood in judgement before many
Endured the whispered assumptions
The intrusive inquiries
Sincere and Insincere
All feeling the same
And I've pretended to be fine

I've shaken my fists at the sky
Demanded an explanation
A justifiable reason for this suffering
This excruciating confusion
And cried and screamed face down on the filthy ground

But time... It goes on, love
And your blood will flow evenly again
Hate turns into acceptance
The heart learns to function with the pieces that remain
It softens and opens again

The unknown journey leads to a better life than the one you once mourned
The opinions of others fade into the background,
Mattering not at all

You remember, after time,
That God was with you all along
You recognize that the events of your past, although painful,
Help form you into the person you were meant to be

You may not see this now
Not yet
But I got up
And so will you

Artwork by:

Norman Duenas

(http://society6.com/artist/nduenas)

Healing

Like a cool breeze lightly touching the skin
I adjusted to the chill
The isolated hollow cage I trapped myself into
Expelling the frost from my breath into the air
Why was this so comfortable?

Escaping was as easy as turning a door knob
And as difficult as swallowing razor blades
These bloody fists would not loosen their grip
On something so loved, but so harmful
Logic lost every time, to a bleeding heart

Common sense makes a fool of me
And laughs, and mocks, and bullies
Stupid girl, it says
You have loved so blindly
Trusted so foolishly
Ripped pieces of yourself off and handed them over
To those who never valued the gift.

But change has come now
In an unforeseen moment
A split second of time
Where emotions have let go
Because they are ready, not forced
And that's how this learning thing works

The cool air has become uncomfortable
The tight space now suffocating
Razor blades palatable
The grip of my bruised ego
Has finally let the pieces of my brokenness fall
Leaving the ashes of your memory at my feet

I can feel the warmth of sunlight painting my flesh
This must be what healing is

Image Credit:
Richard Wiseman
(http://richardwiseman.wordpress.com)